In the Worst Way
by AtLoLevad
Summary: Jay notices something is off with Erin, so he tries to get her to talk. Oneshot


"What the fuck is wrong with you?" Jay snapped, cornering Erin by her locker.

She startled and turned to look at Jay with wide eyes.

"What?" She asked, sliding her hand under her nose.

Jay shook his head and scowled, "You're like a zombie out there."

Erin opened and shut her mouth in a good imitation of a goldfish. She couldn't really focus on what Jay was saying.

He seemed to sense her lack of focus and softened a little, "Erin, what's going on with you?"

"No-nothing," she mumbled, not meeting his eyes. She swallowed harshly and picked at a ragged cuticle.

Jay scoffed, "Yeah, I'm not buying that bullshit, Er. I know you."

Erin busied herself looking for something in her locker, hoping Jay would just leave her alone.

When he didn't leave after a few minutes, Erin looked up at him, still avoiding his gaze, "Leave me alone, Jay. I don't want to talk."

"Too fucking bad," Jay drawled, "You're obviously not coping well. Grab your stuff. I'll drive you home."

Erin panicked. Jay couldn't come to her place. Not when there were -

Jay voice broke through her frantic thoughts, "Erin? Let's go. Maybe if you're nice to me, I'll even make you dinner."

Erin shook her head, "No. No, don't bother. I'm fine and you should just go home."

When Jay didn't say anything, she snapped at him, "Dammit Jay! I don't need a babysitter."

Jay raised an eyebrow and gestured to the bandage wrapped heavily around his bicep, "The knife wound to my arm says otherwise."

Erin winced and sniffed again, "I'm sorry, Jay. I was just..."

"Distracted," he finished for her, "Just like you've been since we got back from New York. You know I love you, Erin. But I can't be worrying if you have my back when we go on busts. I need you in top form."

Erin's eyes clouded over as Jay dropped the "L" word. She knew how he meant it, but it was still a shock to hear after they had been broken up for weeks. Especially after she had slept with Landon the other day.

"I'm sorry," she repeated, feeling tired and lost and angry and sad. She was feeling too much and not enough. She was feeling nothing compared to what Nadia had gone through.

God, she needed a drink. Maybe more.

Jay sighed and grabbed Erin's elbow, "Let's go. We're getting some food in you and then you're going to sleep."

He manhandled her out of the precinct and Erin let him. She was too tired to fight.

* * *

Jay noticed that Erin was getting twitchy on the drive back to her place.

She kept tapping her leg, the handle on the door, the dashboard. Her foot was beating out a rhythm only she understood.

He was worried.

Sneaking a look at Erin out of the corner of his eye, Jay was afraid of the sallowness of her skin tone and the dark, almost bruise-like, shadows under her eyes.

Erin, frankly, looked like shit.

A deep, dark part of his brain spoke up.

 _Drugs. Erin is a drug addict. She probably fell off the wagon._

Jay pushed the thought aside. He didn't want to think about that, about Erin not being strong enough to fight her demons.

He wanted to reach out, to grab her hand, and let her know she wasn't alone. That they were all grieving Nadia in their own way.

But they pulled up to her place and Erin jumped out of the car before he could say a word.

Without a backwards glance, she darted away from the car -from Jay- and into her building.

Jay immediately parked and turned the car off before running after her.

"Erin!" He shouted, catching a glimpse of her as the elevator doors slid shut.

"Dammit," he cursed, heading for the stairs. Maybe he'd make it before she did if he took the stairs two at a time.

* * *

Erin slammed the door to her apartment, only to have it catch on Jay's foot.

"Ow!" He yelped, shoving his shoulder against wood and pushing. Erin stepped out of the way as the door pushed into her body.

"Get out, Jay!" She shouted, balling her hands into fists, "Leave me alone."

Jay stood just inside the doorway, unfazed by Erin's shouts.

"No," he said lowly, taking in his surroundings.

Once, the apartment has been as familiar to him as his own. But now?

The empty bottles of alcohol. He counted several empty bottles of vodka. One of bourbon. Whiskey. Gin. Wine. Beer.

Erin looked at the floor; angry, ashamed, defiant.

"Erin," Jay said, his voice soft, sympathetic, pitying, disappointed, sad.

"Just leave, Jay," she said, her voice devoid of fight.

He shook his head, "This isn't you. We can-"

She cut him off with a harsh laugh, "That's just it! This is me! I'm nothing, Jay! There's nothing special about me, nothing worth saving."

Jay fumed, "That's a load of horseshit, Erin Lindsay."

He stalked forward and grabbed her upper arms with his hands, "You're a great cop, a great person. You're not your past."

The look in Erin's eyes hardened and she shook Jay's hands off, "You don't know anything, Jay. Get out now, before I shoot you."

She shoved him, hard, on the chest and he stumbled, more from surprise than anything else.

"Fine, Erin," he said, "But this isn't the end."

As he stomped out of her apartment, a flash of white on the coffee table caught his eye.

"Oh fuck," he muttered as Erin slammed the door behind him.

He leaned against the wall next to Erin's door.

Drugs.

Her scrubbed a hand over his face and slid his phone out of his pocket.

 _Erin was going to hate him for this_ , he thought as he dialed.

"Sarge?" he said when Hank picked up the phone, "It's Erin. We have a problem."

* * *

 **A/N: Hi guys! I wanted to get this out before the finale. I like how this came out and I purposefully ended it kind of vaguely. I'm not going to continue this, so please don't ask.**

 **But, do leave me a review and let me know what you think! I live off of your feedback :D**


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